It Wisnae Me!

My oh my, this is a happy day. Well, actually, yesterday was a happy day, but I'm still feeling the after effects today. Why was it so happy yesterday? Well, I'll tell you. Yesterday... Truthiness Prevailed!

It's true! Every Sunday in the Toronto Sun in the Showcase section, they have a small article called This Week's Best Late-Night Laughs. Now usually, this section features a few paragraphs from five different late-night comedians. Every week up until yesterday, it featured David Letterman, Jay Leno, Jimmy Kimmel, Conan O'Brien, and Jon Stewart. But yesterday, they removed Jimmy Kimmel, and replaced him with who other than Stephen Colbert. The picture is a bit big, so I linked it here as opposed to displaying it on the blog itself.

Last week, Jimmy Kimmel's section was this:


This week, Stephen Colbert's section was this:


Funny how they scanned like that, Stephen's Light, and Kimmel's Dark? Darth Kimmel, maybe? Now there's now unintentionally made imagery! Take that engilsh class!

Not saying this because he lost to Colbert, but I do have a bone to pick with this Kimmel guy. Actually quite a few bones. 207 bones in fact. Yes yes, some of you may say "Oh Clyde, but there are only 206 bones in the human body!". And to you I say, "Shut the hell up!" I'm assuming Kimmel is a guy, so can you guess where to 207th bone is? No. Better yet, we'll pick up a hitchhiker and use it to fill in the last one. Then if I have more issues, we'll have lots to spare.

Okay. Kimmel says that Jessica Simpson is "America's favorite divorcee". Just like an american to leave the 'u' out of the word, but that's not my problem, it is? No! Yes, yes, blah blah blah America. Not everyone is American Mr. Kimmel. What about us? Huh? At least Stephen mentions us. Furthermore, what gives him the right to say that she is "America's favourite"? Shouldn't he take some kind of poll? No, he just prattles on like an incessant moron!

He continues on to talk about how Jessica "cried when the clown showed up." Well, Mr. Kimmel. You really have hit rock bottom! Clowns are bad people. They happen to be very frightening! It's not wrong to fear them! They're evil, heartless monsters! God! Balloon animals? Water-spraying flowers? That's supposed to be fun? Make me happy?! Jesus! Clowns are malevolent! No matter what happens, or what their doing, clowns will just sit there with a God damn smug look on their 'happy' painted faces! They don't know the freaking meaning of 'happy'! They're heartless and insensitive, and terrible evil creatures that don't deserve to live! God damnit!

Finally, he finishes with a suggestion that "maybe there is something to this astrology stuff." No. Refer Here.

God I hate clowns. Anyway, now for a truthful comparison. I know I've done a Colbert comparison before, but his awesomeness just has to be repeated.

Stephen Colbert is to Jesus(again) as Jimmy Kimmel is to Clowns.


And there you have it!
God I hate clowns.