The Best Quotes of All Time

I was reading over a few quote pages today, and encountered many a funny quotes. This is my 5th period. Enjoy

1. "Knowledge is power. Power is energy. Energy is heat. Heat makes fire. Fire causes destruction..." - Sam Hughes
2. "Next to 'Danger - strong magnetic fields', my favourite four-word sentence would have to be 'These doughnuts need eating'" - Sam Hughes
3. "If life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons!"
4. "Don't try this at home. Don't try this on the bus. Do not try this on a train or in the rain. Do not try this anywhere. Never do this. Don't be stupid. "
5. ""Armageddon" got some astronomy right. For example, there is an asteroid in the movie, and asteroids do indeed exist." - Phil Plait
6. "When beating other golfers to death, try a three-iron instead of a wood. You'd be amazed by the difference." - The Onion
7. "Terrifying Sea Monster Turns Out To Be Even More Terrifying Amphibious Monster" - The Onion
8. "Ronald McDonald, with the help of cheese soup, controls America from a secret Volkswagen, hidden in the past." - John Gabriel
9. "We've secretly replaced Gabe's Xbox controller with an eight hundred pound grizzly bear. Let's see if he notices."
10. "Well, he didn't so much leave as he was "shot three times in the face by a ninja woman with purple hair". We think she might have been from the future."
11. "Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus." - Unknown
12. "A HUNDRED BUCKS FOR SUNGLASSES!! They better be able to see through clothes, or you got HELLA ripped off."
13. The thing's hollow! It goes on for ever! And oh my God, it's full of stars! ~ Dave Bowman, 2001: A Space Odyssey
14. "Dinosaurs aren't dead. They're hiding behind furniture." - Scott Adams
15. "A typical accident. He was polishing a gun from his collection, which he didn't know was loaded, and pulled the trigger by mistake. The bullet entered his skull causing a severe headache which he attempted to alleviate by taking a bottle of sleeping pills. When this didn't work, he went to the window to call for help. The window was stuck so he attempted to pry it open with a switchblade knife. It flew open suddenly causing him to lose his balance. He tried to keep from falling out by tying the drape around his neck but it gave way... he fell to the street and stabbed himself in the back with the knife he was holding. We see this kind of accident every day in our line of work, miss." - A Mad Look At Old Movies
16. "Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin meaning "to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet". - Robin Williams
17. "The cuddly "koala bear" of Australia is actually not a "bear" at all... it is a telepathic cyborg that reports your thoughts to "The Council"!" - Tom the Dancing Bug
18. "This is an excellent start in the right direction. All we need now is to replace Mr. Ferguson, Mr. Peddie, half out defence, most of our offence, our goalies, the training staff, Carlton... but for God sakes, leave the Zamboni driver alone. He's done an excellent job." Frank Paschert, on the firing of Pat Quinn

That it for now, maybe new ones coming later. If you want more, tell me so I may ignore you.